Hi again. Taking a nice stroll through my brain. Want to tag along? Don't mind the mess. I haven't cleaned up in a while. Oh look! There's last decade's baggage still sitting in the suitcase, unpacked and taking up space. Just walk around it. I do. See the sticky notes I've left all over the place? That's to remind me of important things, like...who I am. *laughs*
Let me dust off this old chair for you. Have a seat, and we can have a nice chat about life. It's bizarre isn't it? (Life, that is) We think we've run away from something in our lives, only to find ourselves running toward it instead. There are things in our lives that help us to flourish and there are things that will kill us eventually, like a slow acting poison. Some relationships are like that. We can convince ourselves that if it feels good at the time, we can overlook the long term affects. That doesn't mean that it won't eventually kill us. It just means we chose to turn a blind eye on reality. We haven't had enough self destruction, so we take another swig from the bottle marked with the skull and crossed bones! After all, it's just an interesting design on a label, right?
Why do we choose things that we know will hurt us? I don't have an answer to that one. It isn't on a sticky note. I can tell you, that as of this month, I chose to toss away the poison, in favor of a nice cup of self esteem. It wasn't easy. A part of me still kept insisting that poison tastes good. That's when I shored myself up and said no.
Rebirth is more than a statement of being. It is hope held out, that I'll reach the antidote in time and be OK. We are more than we give ourselves credit for. We carry the entire universe within us. So, how can we know that and not feel empowered? It's not about the mistakes the we've made. It's about what we have learned from those mistakes. It's not about love turned sour. It's about knowing we can love. When we come to the realization that we can love and honor ourselves, that's when true Rebirth occurs. Once we know and love ourselves for who we are, nobody and nothing can break us.
Let me dust off this old chair for you. Have a seat, and we can have a nice chat about life. It's bizarre isn't it? (Life, that is) We think we've run away from something in our lives, only to find ourselves running toward it instead. There are things in our lives that help us to flourish and there are things that will kill us eventually, like a slow acting poison. Some relationships are like that. We can convince ourselves that if it feels good at the time, we can overlook the long term affects. That doesn't mean that it won't eventually kill us. It just means we chose to turn a blind eye on reality. We haven't had enough self destruction, so we take another swig from the bottle marked with the skull and crossed bones! After all, it's just an interesting design on a label, right?
Why do we choose things that we know will hurt us? I don't have an answer to that one. It isn't on a sticky note. I can tell you, that as of this month, I chose to toss away the poison, in favor of a nice cup of self esteem. It wasn't easy. A part of me still kept insisting that poison tastes good. That's when I shored myself up and said no.
Rebirth is more than a statement of being. It is hope held out, that I'll reach the antidote in time and be OK. We are more than we give ourselves credit for. We carry the entire universe within us. So, how can we know that and not feel empowered? It's not about the mistakes the we've made. It's about what we have learned from those mistakes. It's not about love turned sour. It's about knowing we can love. When we come to the realization that we can love and honor ourselves, that's when true Rebirth occurs. Once we know and love ourselves for who we are, nobody and nothing can break us.
Rebirth doesn't just happen. We choose it. We must allow it...embrace It. No one can do it for us. Once we choose that path of self acceptance and growth, the way opens and we start to feel better. I can't say that I'm at that point yet, but I feel like I can be. I'm open to the possibilities. I am open to love as well, but only the kind that heals- not the toxic kind. I want to spread my arms wide and let the stars flood in. Maybe then, I can ditch the unpacked baggage and take down the sticky notes, cause being myself is reminder enough.
Thank you Jeff, Ali, Julia, Twome, Arwen, Zazen, AJ, Johnnie, Jean and the rest of my wonderful friends for never letting me give up. I love you all. Thank you also to my children, Marin and Max, who remind me every day of what love is. The rest of you reading this may be thinking that I've been rather candid about my life in this blog. Well...yes I have. But, so what. *grins* It's not like we don't all have our own demons. It's those of us that don't admit to weakness that are ultimately frail. The rest of us learn to bend without breaking. *smiles*
**On the descriptive side, Rebirth is interactive , thanks to Keystone Bouchard and October Brotherhood, who provided some of the scripting. The Elements Family came over and we all had a nice time dancing in the universe. Rebirth premiered at my Dances of Life exhibit on Cedar Island. A special thank you to Jon Seattle and Kate Miranda, for honoring me with that show. You can experience Rebirth at Dreamscapes Gallery of Art, at the Dances of Life exhibit on Cedar Island, at The Tech and at Anandra Gallery.
i do so love your candour, insights, and intuitive sense, gwen. it's hard, from the past two posts, to see just how much your love has grown. your transition, truly a blessing in birth, leading to a higher vibratory realm is well laid out, comprehended intuitively, and acted upon responsibly. as if we had known it all before.
ReplyDeleteas you expose more and more of your heart you speak for me. you speak for spirit. you speak to all that we are. love. pure and simple. that's it. that is all there is.
so when i read "I am open to love as well, but only the kind that heals- not the toxic kind.", i thought i'd harmonize in your stressful but elevating discoveries.
as much as we close our eyes and place good on evil and evil on good, as we will; we fall away from pure love. childish innocence. bouquets of prims. everything of our choosing.
as bad as we feel through the fire of love, we live and learn. shedding multitudes of karmic weight. the hard choices we make, right or wrong, are always correct. it's your life. live it as all is one. peace/love
Thank you for that , Encore.*smiles* I enjoyed reading your response. It is, as you 've said, always about living and learning.
ReplyDeleteWe love. Maybe it's not about *good* or *evil* as much as generous vs. selfish. As humans will, we place expectations on how our love will be received. That's a normal reaction and not what poisons the brew. We all love differently. The toxic ingredient is the addition of selfishness and lack of respect for another's feelings. We've all been guilty of this addition at one time or another.It's how we react when we recognize the hurt we've caused, that clinches it. Do we reach across the gap to apologize and attempt to sooth the hurt or do we ignore the other person's hurt as silly, irrelevant and unjustified?...Or Worse...Do We resent the other person's hurt and see it as an attempt to chastise us? We can justify our actions any way we like, but we are still dealing with another person's hurt feelings. If we disregard another's hurt as unimportant in the scheme of how we want to have a relationship, then we have added the poison that will inevitably cause the love to decay and die.
I am not saying that we should be untrue to ourselves in favor of avoiding hurt feelings. I'm saying that respect and empathy, applied liberally can be a strong balm. Ultimately we need to to ask our selves why we are in a relationship with the other person and if we care about them enough to make the effort. Have they shown effort on our behalf consistently, or merely when it's convenient?
I'm not the right person to cast stones. I'm not perfect. However , I'd like to think that when faced with a loved one's hurt I'll respond lovingly and with sensitivity. Maybe, somewhere between selfish and selfless is a realistic goal? *grins*
The simple blog transends the expressive medium to now itself become art.
ReplyDeleteGwen,
ReplyDeleteI couldn't have said it better myself. So many parallels...
One thing that truly drew my attention was your emphasis on respect and empathy. When those are missing from a relationship, there is no relationship. Not really. Ownership, perhaps, of an inanimate object. One need not empathize with possessions, with a chair.
Or with a doormat. Sorry, that's some of my own junk coming in for a landing. Good grief, where's a post-it when you need one?
Ajay, wandering off to brave the halls of RL (and the aisles of WalMart -- ack!)
Yes Ajay, you're right. (Passes a sticky note)lol
ReplyDelete