Wings

Did I say I wasn't brave? Guess what? I've discovered something really important. It takes bravery to walk forward. It takes courage to live and accept mistakes. I screw up sometimes. We all do. But if we can accept that and move forward, I think that counts as bravery. Sometimes we move forward alone...and sometimes we get pulled along by friends. I won't waste time regretting the decisions I've made. That's done and gone. Placing energy on things that are unalterable is just plain stupid. I'm not going to spend my life trying to fix something that wants to stay broken. I'm grateful for the lesson (not really- *laughs*) and hopefully I've passed the pop quiz and won't have to retake this particular class. This Jersey Girl has wings and she's not afraid to use them!

Strength

Bless me Google TM, for I have sinned. It's been eight months since my last post.

Quite a bit can occur in eight months. Sit back. I'll pour the margaritas and we can chat. It's funny how we can be so brave one moment and so cowardly the next. Ummm... maybe "cowardly" is too strong of a word? How about chicken****? No? Ok... let's go with "not quite as brave". Ask me to stand up to a situation for a friend and I won't hesitate. Ask me to state my opinion on the changes that continue to play out on the Second Life grid...oh, I won't shut up! But...ask me to tell a person how I feel about them and fight for love? ...Uh ...Is it raining outside? I thought I heard something. I'm the kind that walks away. I'm "reasonable". I'm the kind that doesn't want to be around if I think I'm not welcome. I had a couple of braver moments this year, but they fizzled. *laughs* I'm telling you this, because I used to be braver. I have danced in the flames and survived. What has happened to me to change that? I don't know. Maybe there are degrees to this sort of risk. Maybe the cost seemed so high that I choked. I don't know. What I do know is that I walked away from something I wanted with all my heart, because of fear. I told myself that it was better to be reasonable and let it go. I told myself that I shouldn't try. That I had no chance of success. Ok...maybe I didn't, but damn it...I should have tried. Instead, I have spent the past eight months working and trying to pretend I'm fine. When a friend almost broke up with her partner because of a *trust-pride-rejection* issue, I couldn't let her make the same mistake I did. I asked her to fight for love. They are together and happy. I couldn't fix my own life, but I'm glad my mistakes helped them. As for me? I will try not to make this same mistake again. I'll look for other mistakes I haven't tried yet.

There is one thing I have learned from all of this. We all have wings. We just forget we have them. Be brave. True strength comes from faith in yourself. Nothing and no one can take that away from you.