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Thursday, October 7, 2010

Faith, Hope... or Idiocy?

Dreamers - Gwen Carillon
Being in love with another person  seems to be an act of faith that borders on arrogance.What right do we have to have faith that another person will return our love. What sense is there in hoping for something that may or may not happen, regardless of whether or not we deserve it and regardless of whether or not it makes sense. When is hope empty? When is it just a silly dream that deludes rather than strengthens? When is it destructive? I have no answers. I can barely verbalize the questions. Is love a singularity meant to keep its own counsel and its own rules? Are there rules in love and in the loving  of another person? If there are, why don't we know them? What if we don't hope? What if we shelve hope and faith as impractical and embrace what we see as reason instead? What then? Does that make us healthier for our stoicism? Does some nameless God of love pat us on our backs for showing good sense? Ultimately, we reward and punish ourselves. We stand, sit and dream on our own opinions of the traits ...the principles we think we should embody. We can love, as long as we don't assume others feel as we do. So...has love been a solo act all along? I'm not saying it is. I'm merely asking the question. I don't expect an answer...Sometimes the asking is enough.

...And no. Just in case anyone thinks this is specific to a isn't. It's about me's MY  blog! Words, like images and sculpture,  are art.  They don't need a reason.. They simply are.*Laughs*

Sunday, July 4, 2010


Did I say I wasn't brave? Guess what? I've discovered something really important. It takes bravery to walk forward. It takes courage to live and accept mistakes. I screw up sometimes. We all do. But if we can accept that and move forward, I think that counts as bravery. Sometimes we move forward alone...and sometimes we get pulled along by friends. I won't waste time regretting the decisions I've made. That's done and gone. Placing energy on things that are unalterable is just plain stupid. I'm not going to spend my life trying to fix something that wants to stay broken. I'm grateful for the lesson (not really- *laughs*) and hopefully I've passed the pop quiz and won't have to retake this particular class. This Jersey Girl has wings and she's not afraid to use them!

Friday, July 2, 2010


Bless me Google TM, for I have sinned. It's been eight months since my last post.

Quite a bit can occur in eight months. Sit back. I'll pour the margaritas and we can chat. It's funny how we can be so brave one moment and so cowardly the next. Ummm... maybe "cowardly" is too strong of a word? How about chicken****? No? Ok... let's go with "not quite as brave". Ask me to stand up to a situation for a friend and I won't hesitate. Ask me to state my opinion on the changes that continue to play out on the Second Life grid...oh, I won't shut up! But...ask me to tell a person how I feel about them and fight for love? ...Uh ...Is it raining outside? I thought I heard something. I'm the kind that walks away. I'm "reasonable". I'm the kind that doesn't want to be around if I think I'm not welcome. I had a couple of braver moments this year, but they fizzled. *laughs* I'm telling you this, because I used to be braver. I have danced in the flames and survived. What has happened to me to change that? I don't know. Maybe there are degrees to this sort of risk. Maybe the cost seemed so high that I choked. I don't know. What I do know is that I walked away from something I wanted with all my heart, because of fear. I told myself that it was better to be reasonable and let it go. I told myself that I shouldn't try. That I had no chance of success. Ok...maybe I didn't, but damn it...I should have tried. Instead, I have spent the past eight months working and trying to pretend I'm fine. When a friend almost broke up with her partner because of a *trust-pride-rejection* issue, I couldn't let her make the same mistake I did. I asked her to fight for love. They are together and happy. I couldn't fix my own life, but I'm glad my mistakes helped them. As for me? I will try not to make this same mistake again. I'll look for other mistakes I haven't tried yet.

There is one thing I have learned from all of this. We all have wings. We just forget we have them. Be brave. True strength comes from faith in yourself. Nothing and no one can take that away from you.