Bless me Google TM, for I have sinned. It's been eight months since my last post.
Quite a bit can occur in eight months. Sit back. I'll pour the margaritas and we can chat. It's funny how we can be so brave one moment and so cowardly the next. Ummm... maybe "cowardly" is too strong of a word? How about chicken****? No? Ok... let's go with "not quite as brave". Ask me to stand up to a situation for a friend and I won't hesitate. Ask me to state my opinion on the changes that continue to play out on the Second Life grid...oh, I won't shut up! But...ask me to tell a person how I feel about them and fight for love? ...Uh ...Is it raining outside? I thought I heard something. I'm the kind that walks away. I'm "reasonable". I'm the kind that doesn't want to be around if I think I'm not welcome. I had a couple of braver moments this year, but they fizzled. *laughs* I'm telling you this, because I used to be braver. I have danced in the flames and survived. What has happened to me to change that? I don't know. Maybe there are degrees to this sort of risk. Maybe the cost seemed so high that I choked. I don't know. What I do know is that I walked away from something I wanted with all my heart, because of fear. I told myself that it was better to be reasonable and let it go. I told myself that I shouldn't try. That I had no chance of success. Ok...maybe I didn't, but damn it...I should have tried. Instead, I have spent the past eight months working and trying to pretend I'm fine. When a friend almost broke up with her partner because of a *trust-pride-rejection* issue, I couldn't let her make the same mistake I did. I asked her to fight for love. They are together and happy. I couldn't fix my own life, but I'm glad my mistakes helped them. As for me? I will try not to make this same mistake again. I'll look for other mistakes I haven't tried yet.
There is one thing I have learned from all of this. We all have wings. We just forget we have them. Be brave. True strength comes from faith in yourself. Nothing and no one can take that away from you.
Inertia
Her tears did not fall
as she plunged from the cliff
of her own resolve
A fleeting glimpse of sanity
as she bounced off the jagged rocks
of inevitability
She did not fear final impact
but the endless descent.
Inertia
She plummeted
A smudge on
the back drop of despair
scraped raw
by the sharp shards
of promises forgotten
of wishes broken
Her faith bled
out of her
a trail of defeat
against the rough stone of
Censure.
She grasped - reached
For a truth
that could hold her
She felt the rush of air
sting her skin, her limbs...
Her wings?
Unfurled like spring
buoyed by choice
She soared out
Beyond the rocks of doubt
She climbed
And she knew
Nothing was
Inevitable.
GC 11-2009
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